I am the father of an 11 year old girl who wears bilateral BTE’s.
I recently became aware that she took a picture of herself (her face only) to share on a group chat consisting of her cousin and a friend of her cousin. Yes, I need to talk to her about sharing pictures, but…
In the picture she took, she had taken out her aids. The picture was actually one of those ‘live’ pictures that iPhones can take which record like 2 seconds of a video. That 2 second video ends with her putting her aids back in.
I am trying to decide whether I should bring up the taking out of the aids to her or not. I want to, but I’m not sure the approach to take. I don’t want to tell her that her feelings are silly or even not legitimate…they are her feelings. I’d appreciate tips on how to approach the conversation on the taking out of the aids…not the sharing of a picture…that part is easy!
I’d try to resist overinterpreting. If the video shows her putting her aids back in, it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to hide them. (perhaps only the picture is shared and not the video?) I’d probably just ask her why she made the video and see where that led, but there are lots of different approaches that one could take.
I found it helped to point out band members like Coldplay with ear pieces in, a model with a cochlear implant, how many people have ear gadgets now for music streaming etc etc. Since we could stream music it helped normalise it into custom made music players as well. It’s your call but I am not sure I would comment on it, just help make her more confident by methods such as the above.
We went for a walk and I talked to her about it. I told her that I understand and I don’t know how it feels to be her, but that she is beautiful with our without her hearing aids, without regard to how her hair is fixed, and that whatever she is wearing doesn’t change that either. She said she knows all of that or at least believes that I think that, and that she took them out b/c she knows she’ll never meet her cousin’s friend and didn’t want to answer questions via text about her hearing loss. Ok. I can accept that. And Tinkyp, thanks. We watch all kinds of videos and read stories about athletes, actors, and just regular old people who have hearing loss. And you’re right, that does help her understand that her hearing loss might be a challenge, but certainly not an insurmountable one.
She’s coming in to some tough years of growing up. If she’s comfortable with what she has going on in person then she’ll be fine.
I had (have) a large surgical scar on my chest. I was totally self-conscious of it as a teen. Hated PhysEd and all things active at school cause it meant sweating which meant showering. Or shirts and skins. I often just went without depending on how much effort I put in. I would intentionally put in very little effort until I couldn’t avoid it.
My parents would always tell me I should be somehow proud of the scar. As if. It marked me.
To this day, showering is a chore and I’m not particularly active. Fortunately I’m not overweight (much) for my health.
As an adult now though the scar doesn’t matter. But I think those years definitely shaped who I am now throughout adult life.
I first got hearing aids in my early 40s, and can’t imagine what it would have been like if I were 11. I do remember that I learned a couple of things pretty quickly. First, I started seeing people who were wearing aids that I never noticed before. Second, I soon discovered that anyone who doesn’t wear aids doesn’t even notice that I do. All of my aids have been some color of beige except my most recent, which are “bronze.” I’m convinced I could wear grapefruits behind my ears and nobody would notice.
Now it seems everyone has AirPods or some other Bluetooth device hanging out of their ears. When I talk with people about my hearing aids and mention that I can stream calls, music, and TV audio to my aids they are amazed and a little jealous, it seems.
Unlike when I started wearing aids, when the best you could do was wear a loop device around your neck to stream music to my aids and even then I needed the other device to be connected by a cable to my neck loop. Today aids are also basically also AirPods, and some hearing aids are even designed to look like them. I was raised in my late 50s and wasn’t ever ashamed f wearing aids, I was proud that I could hear so much better than without them. But it has taken me a little over 16 years to really feel like I have finally gotten aids that let me hear close to normal.
Can you find resources in your area to connect her with other children with hearing aids? Ask your audiologist. At that age, it can make a big difference to not be the only kid you know who wears hearing aids. Camps that are specifically geared to kids with hearing loss, that have counsellors who use hearing aids, can also be very valuable in providing older mentors.
Neville, that is a great question. There had been a hitchup group that would meet in our city but that feel by the way side before covid. I need to do some digging to find out what groups or camps are available. I keep my eyes open; I need to be more proactive on this.
The fact that she made a conscious decision to remove her HAs in a specific, one-off situation, and spontaneously decided to put them back in, tells me that she’s proactively nipping unwanted queries in the bud, as opposed to rejecting her hearing instruments.
Personally, I give her a lot of credit for her decision. YMMV.
Does your have daughter has longer hair that hides the aids ? She took them out for the video which means those in the video saw them and saw her put them back in. So I feel she is not embarrassed. Maybe you are reading more into this. Just ask why she took aids out. Simple. Ask her.
I have no freaking shame in my hearing aids (I have black ones with green sparkly earmolds) I know I’m overdue but hopefully things will come this way soon
f she has a complex about wearing hearing aids, it is normal at her age. Kids want to be the same as other children. I myself didn’t want to show them. My parents told me it didn’t matter, but I didn’t listen to them. I doubt anything you could say to him would have any use at this age. Now that I’m in my 50s, I don’t care. I accept myself as I am.
I know I’m overdue but hopefully things will come this way soon