Clean Jokes about hearing

  1. I recently had a colonsopy. Just before I dozed off the nurse came in and sat a can of “Bud Light” down right in front of the doctor. I thought to myself - Oh no, my doctor is going to be having a cool one during my procedure:mad:. But I soon realized realized that the nurse had a hearing problem when the doc turned to the nurse and said with a red face – "NO NURSE! I told you I needed a BUTT LIGHT! (I hope this is not inappropriate, but it does illustrate the importance of good hearing!:stuck_out_tongue:

“You’ve Got something in your ear, Hold Still! – Let me see what it is! Oh my goodness – it’s a suppository”!!!

“OH NO – Well, at least now I know where my hearing aid probably is!”.

A man was bragging about his new hearing aid and how great it was and how well he could hear with it. His friend ask what kind is it and the man responded 12:30

An old man was just fitted with hearing aids and hearing better than he had in a decade.

He came back into the clinic a week after being fit, and the audiologist asked him, “How are your hearing aids working?”

old man: “Good, I’ve changed my will three times already!”

“Doctor, I’m having a problem. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Mrs. Roberts, you can tell me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Well, doctor,” she confided in a near whisper, “it’s gas. I go through the day with constant silent emissions.”

“Well the first thing we’re going to do is get your hearing checked.”

A deaf man steals the daily take from a mobster bookie joint; a tremendous amount of cash. The mobsters catch him, but the deaf man has already hidden the money and the mobsters can’t communicate with the man, so they get someone that knows sign language.

The interpreter asks the deaf man where the money is hidden and the man refuses to admit where he has stashed the money. The mobsters that lost the loot smack the deaf man around and the interpreter asks again and again the man refuses to state where the money is.

Finally the mobsters have had enough and pull a pistol and threaten to shoot the deaf man unless he tells them where the money is hidden and even though they will lose the money the deaf man won’t be able to spend it and he will be dead. However, if he tells them where the money is they will let him go. The interpreter explains the situation and the imminent danger to the man’s life. Finally the deaf man admits he has hidden the money in his fireplace. The interpreter asks the deaf man who else know about the stash, the deaf man signs no one else knows. The interpreter asks if again if anyone else knows about the hidden money and the deaf man swears no one else knows where the cash is hidden. So the interpreter turns to the mobster and says “he said you don’t have the guts to shoot him.”