Taking the First Steps Toward Acceptance After Hearing Loss

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I have come to accept my hearing loss. The issue is, no one else seems to accept my loss. Even my wife still accuses me to…just listen better. I gave up and it is what it is. That others are bothered by my loss no longer bothers me. I have asked my wife, would you tell a person with only one leg to hurry up? I get that it’s frustrating for them, but if they are frustrated just think how we feel.

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Yes I know what you mean. Acceptance by me hasn’t been an issue, I have known I had hearing loss for close to 30 years before getting hearing aids. It just didn’t seem bad enough to bother with hearing aids.

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Twice in the last few days my wife and I have glared at each other. Once she was eating while trying to speak and I was “WHAT?” The other time she mumbled while looking down at the table doing a jigsaw puzzle. It made me angry. We all need to adjust, I guess. Grace.

WH

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Well, I was born with wooden ears, so I’ve never KNOWN what real hearing is. As a child - way before I got aids - I just figured what I didn’t hear no one else did either?

I guess there’s “acceptance” and “realization”. It’s a nuanced difference, but since I didn’t go from hearing to not hearing per se, I fall in the “realization” bucket. Only after having an audiogram done and shown the PROOF of my wooden ears, did it actually occur to me I’m truly DEAF!!! LOL.

I do SUPER well with my Phonak Marvel aids, but they’re in the shop for a couple weeks, so I’m back to my older Audeo B-Direct aids. Oh boy. Feels like I lost my hearing overnight. They lack the programs, stereophonic phone streaming AND sound quality of my Marvels, so I’m really paying attention to what’s said these days (hard work with masks on all around) and SO SO looking forward to the return of my Marvels.

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As a child my hearing was normal. We had a family we were friends with that had a boy about my age who had hearing issues. I didn’t understand. He was hard enough of hearing that he (and his family) learned sign language.

I went years with just thinking I was hearing things differently, or I don’t know what. But starting in my military years I started having trouble understanding speech and tinnitus became an issue.

Once I was tested and shown objective results, I felt like I’d been hit, but I saw it as an objective to accomplish.

I wish you all well and success in your efforts!

WH

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This sounds familiar!
People so often don’t understand what it’s like to have a hearing loss. It seems that I am always trying to persuade them to.

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People with a hearing loss have always been the butt of cruel humour and lack of any understanding of the condition. I self fund my hearing aids, after recently replacing them my wife was very vocal about the cost. Then when we were out in a noisy,echo-y restaurant with music blarring ; she came out with the old “Well that was another waste of 5 grand!”
Then when I was asking for her to repeat something ,she said the inevitable, most cutting two words a person with hearing loss ever gets to hear…
" Never Mind"
I’m always envious of people whose partners decide to accommodate,accept and accompany them through the hearing loss journey. I have been a lonely passenger throughout mine.

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I hate the never mind

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It is getting better for me. Maybe I’m adjusting to my HAs. I don’t know. I had my Roger On in my pocket today at the restaurant and was ready to put it on the table, but never felt the need to. And I know she felt loved today with our conversation. It was a good afternoon.

WH

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I was recently diagnosed with mild hearing loss. I cried for two days. Then I went online and did some research. I learned so much from You Tube and especially this forum. I am leaving lurkdom with this first post.
After the diagnosis, I began to notice the signs. They were there, I just didn’t know it.
I was at a party yesterday and I heard the person across from me say “Pass the hot dogs.” I thought that was strange seeing as we were in a Mexican restaurant. My eyes slid to the right and lo and behold, hot sauce! I had a little laugh to myself. Getting my hearing aids on Tuesday. Phonak Paradise p70s.
Thanks so much everyone for all the help and info. I hope that I may in return help someone someday!

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Funny you say that Bluejay—“what I didn’t hear no one else did either”… My version would be: Because I have ringing–I also assumed everyone has ringing too. It did take me a long time to accept my hearing loss after my wife pushed me (or encouraged me) to get hearing aids. I am still trying to adapt to them–but it is nice to hear those things I never did before. It is nice to understand when people speak–especially from a computer speaker–using some of these many apps available. I am using Costco Phillips Hearlink 9030–so far they are ok. However, because they are my first, had nothing to compare against.

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Ooof! I can totally empathize with where you’re coming from! I know there is some frustration involved for folks who say, “Never mind!” but it is also a power play. For that one instance, it’s like they WIN!

I have also had that line said to me. My reply is, “GOOD! It was obviously nothing of importance anyway.” :grimacing:

Yeah, it’s juvenile. But it sure FEELS GOOD.

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That’s LOVELY!!! Treasure the moments like this!

My tinnitis came on almost overnight when I was 14. I had a bad cold, and was taking Coricidin, which - oddly - seemed to always make my ears stop up even more. Next thing I knew, I’ve got a flat TONE going 24x7 in both ears. The tone only changes when the weather changes, so I get some variety at least.

I’ve learned a long time ago that some people will take the time to try and understand your loss and others just don’t want to understand or refuse to accept it. There’s nothing you can do about it. The beginning of my loss was diagnosed on 1959 as a result of illness and some still stick to that story. Of course I explain that my loss is progressive and I will eventually lose my hearing altogether and that’s not usually the result you get from illness. Doesn’t matter. The never mind thing, which I hate, if it comes from a family member I explain how much it hurts my feelings when they say that especially since I’m struggling to hear them. Sometimes a guilt trip comes in handy. Outside the family if someone says nevermind I say OK and walk away

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Hello Hass,
I read all of these comments about our significant other saying that (never mind) all the time. Interesting I really never even thought about it–however, my wife does say that–many times. Right after I asked her to repeat herself. It is bothersome because it leaves me wondering what it was she wanted to start with. By the way, she does have an excellent ear–she can hear a mosquito fly by anywhere in the house!

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It wasn’t the wife. It was my daughter. It’s important for people, especially loved ones, to understand that nevermind, hurts. When others say it it’s more like I don’t really care what you say anyway. But when loved ones say it I expect a little more understanding. When I was young I could hear flies and mosquitoes, crickets too. Now all are a distant memory. Amazingly enough I can understand my wife pretty well even without my aids but by reading her lips. But then again I used to take my wife to the ent and audiologist so she would better understand my loss and where it was headed. When we started dating I made her very aware that I was slowly losing my hearing. Maybe that helped. She also has a lot of patience

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When I found out the extent of my loss, I took a month to process, and thereafter have been actively working to minimize its impact. That means programming my hearing aids myself, and always having top notch HAs. It also means being forthright about my loss, and asking people to repeat as often as is necessary without feeling embarrassed. Since I’m a professor, that’s all the more important. I never hesitate to say, speak up, look at me, and take your hands away from your mouth. (The pandemic masking has been a nightmare, however.)

The greater sadness to me comes from the many out there who will not own their loss. I have advocated and pushed so many towards hearing aids who never take the leap. My father needs hearing aids. My great uncle needs hearings aids. My mother-in-law needs hearing aids. All are unwilling to get them, and miss on so much conversation. What boggles me is how much this has to do with vanity and appearances.

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I agree with you, but I don’t and wouldn’t do my own programming, I know myself too well. I would never be satisfied and end up screwing my aids up. Also I get my aids from the VA and have a wonderful world class audiologist that understands my hearing loss and what it takes for me to understand conversations. Now if I had to deal with the private sector audiologist I have met I more than likely would DIY…

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