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“What do we want?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
“When do we want it?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
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Three old men are walking down the street.
One of them stumbles a little and, to cover his clumsiness, says, “Windy today, ain’t it?”
The next guy ponders this assertion and replies, “No, it’s Thursday.”
The third one perks right up and exclaims, “So am I! Let’s stop for a beer.”
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That is good.
Thanks
Two years ago, Doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven’t heard from him since.
How do you stop an argument between a group of deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
I think my Physics teacher is deaf.
I asked her what the S.I. Unit of Power is and she kept saying “What?”
Blind man walks into a Deaf Pub.
Blind man asks “Is anyone there?”
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too!
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’”
9 Likes
Oops, repost! Sorry, folks!
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were ‘protecting’. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job–if he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.”
The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”
The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “NOW ask him where da money is.”
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?”
The deaf man signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate.”
The hood asks the interpreter, “What did he say?”
The interpreter quickly says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about and doesn’t think you have the guts to pull the trigger!”
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A man gets new hearing aids fitted; returning to his audiologist several weeks later for a follow-up appointment.
“These new hearing aids work great, however they’re causing me so much physical pain and discomfort!”
The audiologist says “That’s not good - tell me, what are the symptoms?”
“They’re a yellow cartoon family on TV, but I don’t understand how that’s relevant”.
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Marketing departments usually doesn’t have humour, but R&D engineers are sometimes really funny. This is what I recently heared from a development engineer working in the hearing aid industry:
Q: Why do our new hearing aid models have the longest battery lifetime in the market?
A: Because they are always in the drawer.
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Seb, not hearing aid related but reminds me of when I was in the household goods sales. The Dyson vaccuum rep would come in and ask how business was, and I would say, “Customer satisfaction is good, I’m always told how your products really suck!”
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TexasBob,
This reminds me of my first hearing aids that actually helped. When I thought I was silent, I wasn’t. In the store, at work, church etc. I started laughing out loud thinking about.
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This made me laugh:
https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/5211631-i-suffer-from-chs-cant-hear-shit-i-will-huh-the-cr
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P: Doctor, help me, i’m a half-deaf!
D: It’s impossible! One can be deaf or not deaf.
P: Lets check.
D: Ok. Repeat after me. Forty four.
P: Twenty two.
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An older lady was getting her physical at her doctor’s office. When he asked if she had any concerns, she mentioned that she had problems with flatulence, but it wasn’t terribly concerning since it didn’t smell and was quiet.
The doctor gave her some pills to take and asked her to come back in two weeks.
Two weeks later, she returned. He asked how the pills were working.
“Well, doctor, I am quite disappointed. I have as much gas as I did before, but now it smells horrible!” she answered.
“Great! I see the medication got your sinuses cleared up, now we need to work on your hearing!”
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An elderly couple was sitting in church. The woman turned to her husband and said,”I just passed a silent fart what should I do?” The man said,”the first thing you should do is put new batteries in your hearing aids.”
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Ha! You needed a guide, not a ride.
They could have assigned you a less-able guide and saved chair-wear.
Though maybe the helper service does not even try to note the exact help needed, knowing that miscommunication happens. WhatEVER the client’s difficulty is (weak, blind, deaf, stupid), throw them in a chair and push, they will make their plane. Lowest common denominator of handicaps.
My parents booked cross-country, with tight change at O’Hare airport. Apparently that place is bad even for young folks. My dad hears OK with aids but doesn’t walk-far like he used to. Mom secretly booked a chair-ride, not knowing if he would be offended. He was surprised but not displeased. And it was good they did. It was a very long zig-zag cross-airport walk. The pusher knew the route and knew the timing was close. Mom, who still walks well, just about kept up, but was glad she had Dad for a bag-cart. They did it again this year. They tip their pushers generously.
1 Like