I have moderate to severe hearing loss as well, but I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all. It takes time to perceive the benefit you get from solving your hearing loss. Situations you were not able to understand will become easier with time. Hearing other people will become easier with time. Many things will become easier with time, you just need to be open to it.
If your hearing aid mold / dome or whatever they pick for you is uncomfortable, this is normal. When I got my first hearing aids over 17 years ago, they were extremely uncomfortable. I had to go in for remolds every two years because I was still growing. Seeing as you have the RITE/RIC (Receiver In The Ear / Receiver In Canal), you may feel a strange sensation when you talk. It may feel like your ears are extremely plugged, and they may feel itchy, but these are things you can discuss with your audiologist. They may be able to make a better recommendation than I can on how to overcome the itchiness / soreness / pain.
As for hearing aids being too loud… When you first get your hearing aids, they definitely will feel like they are loud. You need to consider that your brain is suddenly being bombarded with sounds you may have forgotten about, like the clock ticking, the vent in the room blowing cold air into it, someone scratching their throat, a pen dropping on a table, someone scribbling on paper, the click of a mouse. Very quiet sounds will become more prominent. That being said, not everyone will be at their full prescription at their first fitting. You may be at the very low end where over several appointments, your audiologist will work with you to bring you up to your full prescription. That’s how it was for me when I was first fitted. When I changed hearing aids, I asked to have my prescription lowered a bit because I was overprocessing information in my head. It gets better over time, I promise.
Losing or breaking them is everyone’s worst fear. It does happen, it can happen, you will need to ask your audiologist about the coverage on your hearing aids, and what steps can be taken if they are lost or broken.
I would also highly, HIGHLY recommend you check out Dr Cliff, AuD’s YouTube Channel where he talks about the exact same concerns you are talking about.
Please don’t feel anxious. It’s great that you’re trying to take the leap, and it is absolutely understandable why you’d be apprehensive in making the decision to get hearing aids. I can’t make any promises at all, but the first step is always the hardest. What matters the most is that you communicate with your audiologist and work on a treatment plan that addresses all of your needs.
Best of luck to you!